Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
