We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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