I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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