That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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