im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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