I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
