Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just sent this text using only my big toe
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
