My room smells like vodka and shame
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
