Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
