so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
