he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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