So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
