you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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