Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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