Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
vagina is talking i cant
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
