I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I deserve this hangover.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
