We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
