guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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