if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
