i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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