My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
