so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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