Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
