Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize