Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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