if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
