Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
