he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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