Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
