new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
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