as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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