very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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