So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
