there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
