Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
