You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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