Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
