..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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