somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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