i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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