It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
