one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
