just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
