life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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