Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
