Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
