will power is for people who don't want to get laid
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
