i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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