I'm gonna have a badass scar
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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