My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We have started to decorate penises.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
