Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
