She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize