I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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