You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
