everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
