I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
