i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize