hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
no you cant smoke seaweed
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
