i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
