Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
