i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize