Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
