he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
