When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
