1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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