She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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