nut hugger
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
my poor anus
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
