i need an iv and a liver transplant
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
