I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
