I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize