Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
