i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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