Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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