I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
