saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
