Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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