Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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