he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
