dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
